Reading is great! I remember reading from an early age – newspapers, books, the dictionary (yes the dictionary!) and was thoroughly encouraged by my mother. I remember reading the newspaper when I was 4 years old and being totally captured by various articles and I’ve been an avid reader continuously through my life.

Books are a great escapism. They can take you away to a place that you wish to be, give you great knowledge on various subjects and help you with your own personal development. Anything you need to know, want to be or want to achieve, there is a book out there waiting to show and teach you.

Like my mother, I have always encouraged my daughter to read. From being a baby I took her to the library every week and would read to her as well as participate in all of the activities that were on for mothers and babies. Just like me, she has a great love affair with books and was able to read extremely well by the age of 4.

We still share the activity of books together: monthly visits to the library and book stores to acquire new literature. She gets tremendous pleasure in ordering a book and will take it every where with her until she has finished reading it.

Books though are meant to be shared. What point is there in having great information and not passing on that knowledge so someone else benefits from it? I regularly do this for my friends and family as what ever struggle or help they need, you can guarantee I know or have a book that can help them along in their journey.

As a parent, it is vital to not only teach your children to read but also the importance of why. Children can benefit so much (see this week’s article) and as it is a solitude activity; reading can be personal to them. It gives them choices. It helps them to be aware, it develops their knowledge of words, grammar and punctuality and above all reading helps them to be creative and develop their imagination.

So this week, visit a library – it’s free to join and there are also so many other things you can loan: DVD’s, magazines, videos, etc. You also get to meet new people and find out what is going on in your local community.

Take some time out for you to get a really good book you wish to read and have some quality time with yourself. Reading doesn’t have to cost a thing but can bring you real peace and pleasure. Go with your children and make a morning or afternoon of it. You will probably be surprised and once you start, you will wonder how you ever coped without a great book by your side.

xVx

I’ve just read a fantastic article from the Sunday Times: “Who says men need to get married to be happy? (Go to articles on Leading Parent network to read it) George Clooney is a confirmed bachelor and he’s on to something, says one writer. There’s a new type of single guy now…”  

The article is so true and made me think about the new ‘type’ of single parent that has now emerged. Most individuals do not become lone parents by choice. The reasons are plenty but the reality is that there are a lot of successful and ambitious single parents out there. I know women and men who are running their own businesses and have high powered full time careers whilst raising their families single handedly. They are not on benefits and are living well! Speaking with my friends who are single, they all enjoy the dating and courtship that being single brings and by no means are looking for marriage. I reckon when you are independent and happy with your life, you are not so needy and keen for someone to come in and mend it. You want someone to enhance your life. 

Or is that when we have so much time on our own, focusing on our wants, needs and ambitions, we are not so eager to compromise or lose our identity for the sake of a man/woman? I was watching a TV programme last week and a young female (one of those Hollywood reality programmes) had recently started dating an ex. After a few weeks she decided to break it off and her reason was – “I’ve waited this long (regarding finding a suitable boyfriend) so why should I settle now for Mr Wrong?” It’s true. If you’ve been single for a while or just dating, then you are usually clearer about what you want and what you don’t want and you are less likely to make do. 

Just like the guy who wrote the article for the Sunday Times regarding bachelors’, the new independent single parent has a social life and an income. They go out for drinks after work or have friends over for dinner and wine (probably lots of the latter!). They go on holiday with their kids and also their friends. They shop and have disposable incomes. They can date who they want, when they want and are not answerable to anyone. They have a life. Whilst this article was written for bachelors, the same principles can be used for women – call yourself bachelorettes! Or a single parent bachelor/bachelorette and be proud of it. Life is too short and whilst you are out having fun and making the most of your life and being the best parent you can be, that’s when miss or my right usually comes along. 

One thing that is definitely true which the author wrote was: Too many feeble men give in to the supposed security of marriage. They see it as panacea to their problems (including, but by no means limited to, alienation, indecision, and lack of direction and motivation). “I don’t want to be the oldest father at the school gates,” lamented one friend recently, explaining why he was getting engaged to his girlfriend, who we all know will make his life a misery. Marriage like this is for wimps. “I genuinely pity most of my married friends, who feel trapped, bored and frustrated,” wrote Mike from Hong Kong.  I go on about this all the time – a boyfriend/girlfriend should not be a substitute for your own fears and insecurities. I hear people whining all the time about their partners and I just think “What is the point?” So many people are simply not happy so it’s no wonder one marriage out of every two ends in divorce. 

So my single parent bachelors and bachelorettes – go out and get the world, your freedom is yours for the taking!  xVx

At the moment the credit crunch is taking main stage in the news and media. Everyone’s talking about the credit crunch, the price or should I say the decline in property prices and the cost of food. The reality is that our living expenses have risen tremendously and employment and salaries have declined.

How do we survive as single parents? By looking at and evaluating what our skills are and maximising them to bring an additional income. How many of you are great at cleaning? How many of you are fantastic child minders, organisers and cooks? Many of you! Do not doubt for a second that you have not acquired many skills and abilities from being a single parent. The smart thing to do is make money from them.

Look in your local paper; advertise your services through adverts, shop windows and the post office. Make some extra money. Set up your own small business. There is a wealth of experts, opportunities and support and advice out there to help you start up on your own and become financially independent. Capitalise on it. 

Life and opportunity does not come seeking you. Go and get it!  It’s like a delicate diamond in the rough dirt and ground – it is just waiting for the right person to have the determination, motivation and discipline to dig hard, find it, embrace it, clean it and make the most of it. That is you.

So for this week, evaluate your skills and abilities; write a list of what you are great at and enjoy. Come up with ideas as to how you can turn these blessing into opportunities to help others and make money. Then do something every day to make that dream happen.

If you want further advice, information or guidance then contact us via email or telephone and we will be more than happy to assist you in your quest to be all that you can be.

Till next week!

xVx

Company Director

Ne Yo’s song – Miss independent got me thinking about single parent women and single fathers. Whether you are alone or in a relationship it is so important to maintain an element of independence. Why? Because if you don’t you end up becoming dependant and the result of that is unhappiness.

When you rely on another person financially or emotionally, you will never be in control of your life. A partnership or relationship should be about complimenting each other not someone supplementing what you are lacking. Every day I hear comments like this:

“I can’t leave him because he pays the mortgage and all the bills”

“I have to stay with her and the kids as she’ll try and take everything I’ve got”

“I don’t feel like I can cope on my own. I feel worthless without someone by me side”

Come on ladies and men – you should be with someone because you want to not need to! Need and want are two very different things. Don’t be fooled either that your children don’t realise what’s going on as they always do. Children are smart and you have to set an example. How can you tell your child/ren to go for their dreams when you are not?

How can you show them the importance of being independent when you are dependent on another? Independence doesn’t mean aggression, it just implies that you can handle your own – your money, your bills, your happiness and your emotions. You are not and will never be at the whim of another person. So if you are single, work on you. All of the things you know you need to develop and grow start doing them. While you are single you have the greatest opportunity to be selfish and focus on yourself.

When that woman or man comes into your life you will not accept anything less than you know you deserve and you’ll spot an insecure and dependant man/woman instantly. Right now work on you and your children. Go out and get yours by any means and remember sometimes in life we have to do what we don’t want to do to get to where we want to be. Make certain sacrifices and become the diamond that you know you are.

Here’s Ne-Yo’s lyrics:

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

Miss independent
That’s why I love her

Till next week and if you need me before, just call or email me.

xVx

I’m going to share some rules that I have developed myself when it comes to the art of dating. This is purely based on experience and I hope it helps you:

·         Be clear about what you will and will not accept during the dating game.

·         Keep your mouth shut! No-one wants to know your whole life story in the first week.

·         Maintain some mystery. You should leave your date wanting to know more about you and eager to contact you for the next date.

·         If you are a woman, do not ever chase a man. Men are conquerors and like to know that getting you is a challenge.

·         If you are a man, a woman wants to know she is special – call her on time, be there before she is. Treat her like a lady

·         Know your own worth. That way if your date is showing behaviour you do not like, you can simply walk away. Don’t put up with less than you deserve – ever!

·         Observe your date’s actions. Do not fall for the small talk. Actions always speak more loudly than words.

·         Date someone that compliments you not supplements you

·         If someone you are dating has a lot of drama or chaos in their life which they end up drawing you into, do not stay there. If you like them, give them the opportunity to sort out their issues – but do so from a distance. Dating should be fun not chaotic!

Above all else have some fun! Ladies remember that men find it hard in the dating game as well as they are the ones that have to make a lot of effort so be easy on them. Say please and thank you, act like a woman and show him respect too. Allow him to be himself and try not to judge. When you start judging a man it puts his barriers up. If you allow him to be himself he will open up to you freely as he will feel comfortable in your company.

Be yourself. Anyone can see through fakeness and it’s a turn off! We all have our faults and as long as the good outweighs the bad in a person you are onto a winning thing.

I put on a post a week ago that was quite harsh – true but ruthless! On reflection I removed it as I realised that you have to allow a person to find their own way and if something is meant to be – it will be believe me. Anything that is meant for you will not pass you by. That is in life, relationships, business and affairs of the heart. How do I know? Because it happened for me (I write with a smile!)

Till next week

xVx

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN REMOVED

Why? Because it may upset those involved and whilst true, it may open a whole can of worms and future distress that just isn’t worth it and I do not want that believe me – my life is too good! The aim was to share my experience with you so you can learn from it. Thanks for all your lovely comments! Yes it was a messy situation this man tried to bring me into but I got out of it quick time and dealt with it accordingly and gracefully. It’s about knowing yourself and what you will and will not accept when dating.

When your life is good and going well, have people in it that keep that momentum. Not people who create drama, stress and messiness. You, your children and life are far too precious for that. Have someone by your side who is strong not weak and compliments not supplements you; A partner who affirms their actions and definitely does not bring baby mother/father drama into your life!

Send those trying to create stress and draw you into their drama love and move on and know that only good and something better can come along to you. Never ever settle for anything or anyone less than you know you deserve.  You can never go wrong.

Till next week!

xVx

I have just arrived home from having a week break in Karlovy Vary – outside of Prague where they filmed Casino Royale. A truly beautiful place where the entire buildings look like dolls houses and castles and there is a lot of cultural and world history. The world famous spa town of Karlovy Vary, also known by its German name of Karlsbad (or Carlsbad in English), was founded in 1350 by the Czech King and Holy Roman Emperor Charles IV. Every hotel offers massages and every form of treatment you can possibly imagine.

Why do I feel so stressed on my return? Well for me, I truly do not like the pre-holiday organisation: shopping for clothes, packing, tidying my house from top to bottom – it takes me about a week to wash all my windows and thoroughly spring clean everywhere. I always do this ritual before I go on holiday as I like to come home to a spotless house! Whilst on holiday I spend time worrying about my house, the business and anything that I have forgotten to do. It’s like by the time I get back, I need another holiday!

 Whilst I was having massages – which I did every day, I affirmed that from now on I’m going to schedule serious relaxation into my routine every day. I’m also going to book my winter holiday in the Caribbean NOW so I have more time to prepare – I am a last minute holiday booking person which seriously is not very practical.In fact I’ve learned a lot from my daughter.

She absolutely enjoys the pre holiday process and sees this as the start of her holiday: Buying new clothes, packing what she wants, changing her image and making resolutions for how she is going to be on her return. I can learn so much from her. She doesn’t panic but embraces the whole process. She eats what she wants, does what she wants and buys what she wants – with my money of course! Last year she had her first taste of designer items.

 We went to Prague to Dior and spent money! She still hasn’t used her items and has them wrapped in the Dior bag with all the packaging and beautiful ribbons. I’ve used mine and demolished them.Whilst in Karlovy Vary this year we visited Prague for the day and took another trip to the designer street we went to last year. This time I treated my daughter to something from Gucci. They weren’t as prestigiously packaged like Dior but none the less the experience and treatment by the staff was second to none. They make you feel so special and pampered and that you are the most important person in the shop. Not surprising as the store is not packed as most people stare in the window – only those who can afford to buy venture in there.I also realised that unlike our mass produced items of clothing and accessories we buy in shops over here, designer shops only have one or two of the items on sale so if you buy something as small as a key ring for £150, you can guarantee that only two of you will have it.

I wish I had treasured my items like she has as they will become great vintage classics.I treated my mum, who joined us on holiday to an item from Versace. She was over the moon even treasuring the beautiful bag that her accessory came with! It meant more to me to treat the people I love and making sure that they had a great time rather than focus on myself. That made me truly happy.

So what I’m trying to say is holidays are about relaxing and spending time with those you love. Surprising them with gifts – they don’t have to be designer, or showing your appreciation and love in simple ways can bring about so much love. It comes back to you to – not always by the people that you give it too but by others who you do not expect. On my return, my daughter has been offered an audition for a film being produced in Nottingham and I have been offered a role of consultancy with Leading Parent Network which was a surprise.

It’s not always about cherishing yourself but also cherishing others. In my heart and mind that brings true happiness – being truly selfless. So for today, who can you help? Who can you say thank you to? Who needs love and how can you give it and show it? There is always someone so give out some love today and watch it come back to you.

Valerie. 

Reading the news item on LPN regarding Heather Green and the death of her child and the portrayal of her as a party girl made me think this week. Is it really right that a mother is accused of murder because she has a Face Book account that she chose to display herself as a ‘party girl’?

There are many single parents out there who have various online social network accounts and for a lot of them that is an escape from their day to day responsibilities and pressures where they can have fun, be who they want to be and meet new people. Does that make you an irresponsible parent? I don’t think so.

Obviously I do not know all the facts regarding Heather’s third child’s death but I think it’s not fair to condemn someone as a bad mother simply because they have a Face Book account where they express the fun side and social side of their character. The news article emphasised the point that ‘Her website is flooded with comments from male admirers’. I’ve just been on MySpace now and lots of people’s accounts are flooded with admirers and messages from the opposite sex! Does that make them a potential child murderer or irresponsible parent? No it doesn’t.

We all like to have fun whether we are parents or not and as humans we are social by nature. I know the media will rip apart every aspect of a person’s character to get a story but I do not believe that it is constructive or productive in such delicate matters and one where the true facts have not been portrayed or realised yet.

I am a responsible parent like most people but I do enjoy going out with friends and family, being social and forgetting the responsibilities and challenges I face day to day. Isn’t life about achieving a balance between work and play? Of course it is so instead of condemning a mother for needing a bit of fun; the media need to focus on the possible reasons as to what may have led a mother to possibly kill her child. Maybe if they did this time would not be wasted on such trivia relating to social networking.

I attended a networking business event held by Bravissimo last week in Nottingham. It was rather pleasant – champagne, women in business networking and bra fittings! I brought along a successful single parent in business, Amanda Dinnall from Dinnall Property Services and we had a great time.

One thing I observed was that there were a few women who had set up businesses but were not 100% devoted to it. They still had one foot in and one foot out just in case things didn’t work out. The trouble with not being committed to your dream totally means that you don’t put in 100% effort. Why? Because it is not your main vocation. When your business or vocation in life actually becomes your life and your main purpose you simply cannot fail. It’s as though the universe hears your prayers and your passion and shows you ways you can achieve it.

When you procrastinate or only give 50% believe me that is all you get back. If your business is your hobby, then that is a different thing. It may not be your main focus but just a side line. When your business becomes your life, different opportunities will open up for you, especially when it involves making the world a better place and is concerned with helping others.

I was asked a lot by women who were doing similar things to me how I had managed to get clients and how I did my marketing. I felt like more of an advisor rather than a networker. But some of these women were working full time so their business is not getting the full attention it craves for.

My advice to them was to make a choice. What is it you really want? What is holding you back from really going for it? Where do you want to be in life? When you answer these questions you have a firm basis as to where you need to start and can make an action plan as to how to get there.

Life is real. Your dreams are real. Your purpose in life – your talents, your gifts that you have been blessed with need to be expanded on and used to help others. Any business or profession is a service to other people and the sooner you realise that the better. So ask yourselves what do I want to be, how can I be it, what has God blessed me with? Then work on it and achieve it. Time waits for no man and the sooner we realise that the better.

Do not let fear stop you from achieving, use it as fuel to get to where you need to be and achieve your dreams now!

Valerie

“He hasn’t seen his son for nearly two years and now he’s made direct contact with him and wants to play ‘dad’ when he chooses – what do I do Valerie – let him back or shut him out?” This is a question someone asked me this week.

 I had a long conversation with this woman during a networking event and it was clear to see that the man concerned left this woman to maintain everything. He cut both her and their son off for nearly two years just because she had finally chosen to leave him after he had manipulated, cheated and never committed to them as a family for many years. She also disclosed that during their relationship he would not be in contact for months or even a year at a time! I was so shocked that she had actually accepted and put up with this for so long but I know love can be blind and we put up with so many things in the name of love. This simply wasn’t love and eventually she left when she realised it. She went through a lot of tears, heartache and confusion as well as humiliation. This hurt her a great deal but none the less she continued to strive to be the best mother she could be for her child.

My advice to her was that it wasn’t really her choice to make. “Let your son decide if he wants to let him back into his life. He simply doesn’t have to be let back into yours”. When a child reaches a certain age, they can make the choice if they wish to have contact. Just because that person has been a crap, irresponsible and selfish parent, your child has the right to see that for themselves.  As a parent you try and teach your children to develop strong values, learn how to deal with people respectfully and also how to make their own minds up.  Their father who left them is no exception.

In spite of his lack of responsibility as a father, she had been blessed and placed in a position where she was able to cope. I also helped her to see that she was on a higher level of learning than him as she didn’t run from her responsibilities but accepted them. He ran away probably because of his own insecurities about himself. Now when a man is a man he knows what his responsibilities and commitments are. Even though problems and challenges occur, he doesn’t run away but faces them head on like a soldier. I want to make it clear also that this woman stated that she never stopped him from having contact with their child. There are some women out there who do that for whatever reasons but she emphasised that she was not one of them.

 Sometimes people change, sometimes they do not. Regardless, you have to develop the necessary skills, strength of mind and character to ensure that you can cope with challenges that come your way.  Know that you will be truly blessed for not giving up on your child. They say the universe blesses the righteous and those who truly love. That’s you. The person who ran away is weak, insecure, selfish and irresponsible and has shown you exactly what a parent is not. Learn by it and choose wisely next time.

 When we finally come to rest and God asks that person  “What reason can you truly give for abandoning your child/ren?” Have the comfort in knowing that there truly isn’t one and Karma/God/Universe will deal with the outcome accordingly.

Stay strong, hold your head up high and know that you are truly amazing for never giving up!

Valerie