Why does it feel like there s never enough time? The past few months have been so hectic for me: Working full-time, managing Leading Parent which has now become a Community Interest Company (CIC), being a mum, running a home, trying to maintain a social life……the list is endless and at the moment appears never ending. I was told by my gardener that I need to slow down. This was during the half-term week when I was running myself ragged trying to do a million and one things at the same time but sadly getting more frustrated and feeling overwhelmed with all the things that I had to do. So I took his advice and just stopped. It was a beautiful day and I sat for about fifteen minutes on my front doorstep and took in the surroundings. It was exactly what I needed as I felt more replenished and able to continue with the duties and goals I had set myself to achieve.

The reality is that time does not wait for no man. We are only here for a short time and yet there is so much to do it seems! I’m a person who loves to plan and organise my time and that usually works but as of late it hasn’t. What’s the reason? Trying to tackle too many things at once and not taking enough time for me or appreciating time.Some people believe that they have all the time in the world to chase their dreams and get things done. Life tends to pass them by as when opportunities arise they do not take them believing that they may come along again. It appears that those who race against time attain more.

The trick is to maintain some balance.Incorporate work in your day, make time for spirituality, accomplish some playtime – something purely for yourself that you can enjoy and some time to just stop, look and listen and appreciate all of the things you have been blessed with and what is going on around you.Remember though that time is too precious to be doing things you do not want to be doing and with people that do not bring you joy, contentment, happiness and peace. You have 24 hours a day and those hours are yours. Use them wisely and if there’s something you want to accomplish, start it now, if there’s someone you want to see or need to make peace with contact them now. Value time and it will work with you.

xVx

I think the words to this song are so beautiful. I was having dinner with a close friend of mine yesterday who is embarking on a new relationship. The gossip since people know they are dating is so vast! So I thought I’d post these lyrics for them both to show  them that they should not let other peoples gossip effect their relationship and if what they feel for each other is true then they should ride the storm.

This quote is so true:

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

William Somerset Maugham

We all change and we all have a past. That is life. Do not let gossip jeopardise a relationship. Instead use that negative energy which others are presenting as fuel to make your relationship stronger, tackle the gossip and grow together . Believe me the gossipers will hate it and are probably only jealous of what you’ve got, who you are and where you are going.

If someone wants to listen to the gossip and bases his or her life choices, relationships and progression on gossip then let them go. That is a sign of weakness and immaturity and the same way s/he revels in gossip and bases his or her decisions on it, the same way s/he will be judged and dealt with. So enjoy these lyrics:

So sorry for not blogging for a while but I have been extremely busy! I shall reveal all to you very soon! I have to attach this great parable today in my blog because I encountered a male who absolutely takes gossiping to an extreme where he believes ALL he hears colludes with people who are very negative and have bad intentions and allows gossip and rumours to affect his life and relationships. It’s no wonder he is where he is in life and has had to overcome various addictions. He allows himself to be manipulated and then ends up lying to himself and others using the words – “I said that to deflect away from the situation” when he hasn’t got the confidence and strength to tell the truth. As we all know – he’s got a lot to learn about life and he is on the road to experience some very difficult lessons to make him realise that.

So this is for you – Mr Deflector and Reflector who thinks he is the tortoise so allows life to pass him by but doesn’t understand the true story of the hare and the tortoise – they both had a goal. Some take time to get to their goal and others race. The tortoise actually got on the road and embarked. You don’t!  So just to remind you – here is the fable:

A hare one day ridiculed the short feet and slow pace of the Tortoise, who replied, laughing:  “Though you be swift as the wind, I will beat you in a race.”  The Hare, believing his assertion to be simply impossible, assented to the proposal; and they agreed that the Fox should choose the course and fix the goal.  On the day appointed for the race the two started together.  The Tortoise never for a moment stopped, but went on with a slow but steady pace straight to the end of the course.  The Hare, lying down by the wayside, fell fast asleep.  At last waking up, and moving as fast as he could, he saw the Tortoise had reached the goal, and was comfortably dozing after his fatigue

What you have to remember is that I am truly the tortoise. I know my goals and I execute them slowly and with precision. You have ideas and do not act on them. Yet you race ahead with idol gossip like the hare and ruin yourself and your spirit in the process.

So for all of you out there, if you have a goal, take time to discover how you can reach it. Don’t worry about other people putting you down or not believing in you. Believe in yourself. God will send people to support you in your journey and make your dreams real. Take your time. When people like Mr Reflector and deflector come into your path, use their negativity to inspire you to achieve and prove them wrong.  Whilst they are busy racing ahead to tell you about gossip which is usually negative, they are not focusing on their dreams and taking action to make them happen. You are so don’t give up!

xVx

Sometimes in life we have to move on. This may be from a job, a relationship, home or/and a situation. Moving on should not be something to be feared. It allows for change, growth and new challenges. The only thing guaranteed in life is change. Nothing remains the same: the seasons change, our bodies change, everything evolves and that includes you!

It is our resistance to change that usually sparks problems for us and not going with it willingly. One of my current clients is coming out of a relationship with his girlfriend. I read somewhere that love brings people together and attachment keeps people together. When you come together in love you want the best for one another. You support each other, allow each other to make mistakes and accept that regardless of you being in a relationship, there are still things that each individual has to do to enhance their own development and progression.

Why is it so hard then when these love relationships end? Is it because we are attached to that person for various reasons or because we end up becoming too dependent on them? If we love someone we want the best for them and that means whether we are part of their life or not.

My client is having difficulty in moving on. She has an attachment as she has a child for this man and is also dependent on him financially. Her ex partner whilst caring for her was not in love with her and knew for a while in spite of trying that the relationship would not work out. He stayed there for his son but as I always say, children can not and do not work as the reason for staying with someone. It makes you unhappy, resentful and sad as you are not being true to yourself.

For my client, moving on will open new doors for her and hopefully make her more independent. Also she will have the opportunity to meet someone who loves her. If she truly loves her ex, she needs to get over the fact that this is not about her and about him. If she loves him she will want him to be happy and maintain a healthy relationship with him for the sake of their son.

This is by no means easy when emotions are involved! The reality is for her to now focus on what she wants, where she is going and how she will get there. When we change and grow, certain people and situations no longer apply to us but God is good as he’ll bring people and new opportunities in your life to progress onto the next stage where you need to be at.

Moving on may be initially painful but change always brings opportunity. Love is unconditional and is a two way thing. It’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love you back so instead of trying to manipulate, hurt, play games and win someone back, accept that it’s over and maintain your composure.

When you fall in love you will know it. When someone loves you, you will feel it. Anything feels possible when you have someone who loves you and generally cares about you by your side. You work through your issues; you can’t help sometimes but to be a fool! You throw caution to the wind. You just know!

So this week embrace moving on. Being made redundant, moving house, ending a relationship; they all pose new challenges and prospects for you. Stay strong and reap the rewards!

xVx

What is the difference between an adult boy and a man? What is the difference between an adult girl and a woman? A lot! A business owner I met gave me this phrase a few months ago. He stated that there are a lot of adult boys out there but not enough men. The same phrase I reckon can be applied to a female too.

So what is an adult boy? An adult boy is a male post 18 who still behaves like a boy:

Doesn’t take responsibility for his actions, Blames other people for where they are in life, puts themselves first before their children, doesn’t take responsibility for their children, their life or their own happiness. An adult boy is quite selfish, talks a lot but doesn’t follow through with his actions.

I’ll bet there are a lot of you out there that know plenty of adult boys – I do! So what makes a man? The total opposite to what an adult boy is: He takes responsibility for his life. Takes care of his family, follows through with actions to confirm his words and doesn’t blame others for his mistakes.

The above can be applied to a female. Recently a male friend of mine was telling me about the second mother of his children. She is in the process of moving out of his house and whilst she may be in her early 20’s with a young son, it appears that she is behaving like an adult girl. For one thing, she has threatened this man with going back to an ex who I’ve been informed is not of good character (Who says he wants her back anyway and hasn’t moved on?)  She also feels that she can not cope financially without him (what happened to being independent and having your own money?) I would find it totally embarrassing to use these excuses on a man as she works full time and obviously is not financially savvy. She’s also got a son so financial security should be a priority for any woman in this day and age shouldn’t it? It’s important for any woman to be financially stable without being dependent on a man.

She also tries to manipulate by using her son to get this man to stay with her. Now most women may draw that card but as any woman knows, you can not use your children forever to keep a man. If he stays with you for the children, he is not staying because of you and he will never be truly happy.

Playing games and using your child/ren as bait just causes more destruction.  You owe it to yourself and your child/ren to be happy. Children are not stupid and they will pick up on the tension and upset between a mother and father even if you try to disguise it. It doesn’t work and causes more damage than good. Even if it means breaking up with a partner you can still be a great parent in the process.

A woman and man do not depend on another for their happiness. They are secure within themselves and work on improving themselves constantly. A man/woman can see their weaknesses, make mistakes and do something about it to make things better. They don’t need to manipulate, play games or use their children to get what they want. They are with someone who compliments them not with someone who is not going anywhere in life. They notice quality and will only accept that. A man will not be with an adult girl. If he is it’s because of his own fears and insecurities and because he does not know himself. For a man to be with a woman, it is more of a challenge as he knows he can’t behave like an adult boy as she will not accept it as she knows her worth. A woman never needs a man. She is with him because she wants to be. When an adult boy grows into a man, he will question everything and everyone around him. He will look at his life and ask what his purpose is. When an adult boy takes responsibility for his life, knows himself, is financially secure and takes responsibility for his children, he will want to be with a woman, not an adult girl who shares the same values and beliefs as he does. The relationship will not be a struggle.

The reality is that some people never make that transition and it’s not your place to push, encourage and change someone. When I look back at my life I have always taken responsibility for my life and actions and have set out to be independent and financially secure. From being a teenager I’ve had this mind set. So going back to my friend who thought he could try and train and teach his second baby mother to his way of thinking he’s fighting a lost cause. She is in her mid twenties, using their son to control him and make him stay with her, she’s financially insecure, she doesn’t have her own home and has to move into a Council property. Instead of trying to cling onto someone, she needs to focus on getting herself right. Focus on her son and her career ambitions and that will be a start in progressing into womanhood. I haven’t even delved into the spiritual aspect but that’s another debate and level of growth and consciousness!

Some men do like adult girls who are dependent on them but that’s due to their own lack of self esteem and worth. Believe me if you go for that type you need to look within yourself to see why you need someone who is weaker than you and not your equal.

So for this week, analyse who you are. Look at your past relationships and current (if you are in one) Why did you make the choices you did? Where do you want to go in life? What qualities do you want NOT NEED in your spouse? You shouldn’t be lacking in anything and if you are you need to work on it. Whatever you are seeking in someone, develop those qualities within yourself. Take responsibility for your life and happiness including your children. Be a man. Be a woman. You’ll really enjoy it!

When I write my blogs I like to see what else on the subject has been written. Read the article on the same subject written by a man. It’s so true and confirms what I am writing.

xVx

When do we know when it’s right to pursue something or quit? The saying goes that “Winners never quit and quitters never win” but can this be applied to everything we embark on?

I do believe that when we pursue something that is out of love and for the benefit of others, it rarely goes wrong and we don’t have to quit. When we pursue goals that are at the detriment of others or another or solely for our own purpose, the majority of the time we do not succeed.

What if you have a business idea or project that you are pursuing and it feels like nothing is going right for you? Your aims and causes are genuine and your idea appears to be a good one but you just can not grasp that dream. My advice is to pursue it. Sometimes the path we embark on leads to a different path that we never dreamed of. The truth is it is better to embark, try something and follow your dreams than do nothing at all.

We can plan as much as we like for a certain outcome but there may be an outcome and goal that is destined for us that is out of our control. I’ve read lots of autobiographies on successful people and whilst they all had great persistence and belief in their dreams, a lot of the time in pursuing that dream, another door opened which led to the creation and success of something greater, bigger and better.

Challenges are great as they allow us to overcome our fears and to grow. We need challenges to develop in life. Now when it comes to affairs of the heart I think it is a bit different. You simply can not pursue someone that doesn’t want you. Yes you can manipulate, threaten, lie, etc to get someone to be with you but then they are with you for all the wrong reasons. You need to be clear that the person you are pursuing wants you as well.

For women, if a man wants you he will make it clear. You rarely have to do anything. Men are conquerors and like a challenge. It’s in their blood and part of their history. For men, a woman wants to know and feel that she is special but she also likes to know that the man she’s with is also a good catch so be a man. Show your caring side but also show some dominance.

The main thing is to follow your instinct. It’s rarely wrong. If you feel that someone or something is right, then continue to pursue it. The best and great things in life seldom come easy. If it’s not going your way then leave it to God or whatever belief you have. Sometimes it better to let go and let God deal with it and show you another way.

Also remember that what you are seeking or pursing may not be ready to receive you so you have to learn patience. What is yours or your true destiny will never pass you by. If it’s ordained for you it will be happen.

So my advice is never give up. If what you are doing is with a pure heart and good intentions you will not lose. Another path may show up but love will always win believe me!

xVx

Is it right to go into business with your friend or boyfriend/girlfriend? For some it’s a fantastic idea: You know each other well, your strengths and weaknesses and you can also spend more time together. It’s a project that can bring you closer together and something that you share together as one.

On the other hand though, it can tear you apart. You may get fed up with the sight of each other. You may only discuss work and business at home and you may not have time for each other on a personal level and every relationship needs that.

Why do so many people take that gamble though? I reckon it’s because two heads are better than one and it also comes down to trust and loyalty. With your best friend or your partner, these foundations are usually there so it may make sense to extend that into business and pursuing a dream together. Passion is a requisite of love and you need passion and desire to create and make a business work so bringing these together can be a truly amazing and explosive creation.

Those of you who know my writing style will know that I always have to contradict the title of my blogs. So what if things don’t work between you and your lover or your friend? What happens to the business if you break up? Does it make more sense keeping business and love separately and instead paying for skilled professionals if that’s what your business needs? Some may believe that this is easier but even then professionals and employees let you down!

 Aren’t relationships about growing, learning and risk? Just like business. If that is so, don’t they link together? Possibly but it boils down to both parties knowing each other, setting clear boundaries and having certain rules and contingencies in place in order to make a business partnership succeed.

Its great being all lovey dovey but business has no place for affairs of the heart. It’s competitive, hard work, dedication and doesn’t know when to switch off or sleep. Both individuals need to know that setting up and running a business takes precedence above all else – if you truly want it to flourish.

If you look at your business as a part-time social hobby then that’s all it will ever be. You will never make money or be rich off it. You and your partner need to ask:

1)      Why you want to go into business together?

2)      What time can you both put in?

3)      What are each other’s strengths and weaknesses?

4)      What happens if you break up?

5)      How are you going to split your time?

6)      What about the children?

What if one of you already has an existing business and you are considering your partner coming on board? If you have set something up and put all the hard work and money in, it’s your baby and you should treat it as such. Set something up new with your partner that you can both start together and build from scratch. That will then be both of yours and an equal playing ground. That is what I believe ideally but if you really want that partner to come into your business then you need to ask yourself:

1)      What skills and qualities can s/he bring that the business needs?

2)      What agreements or contracts do I need to put into place?

3)      How will s/he benefit the business?

Your business is not a stomping ground to play out a romance or think illogically. It’s a business - a field for you to express your dreams and provide a service for other people.

So yes it can work – mixing business with pleasure but as long as both parties are clear about what they are bringing in and what will happen if they are no longer together. Contingencies, agreements and plans need to be organised, structured and adhered too. If this is done then the powerful mix of business and pleasure can be beautifully intertwined.

xVx

Can Friends become Lovers?

Some say that the best relationships between couples are those that are based on friendship. But is it worth the risk making the transition from someone being your friend to being your lover? Can it potentially damage a solid friendship or can it truly enhance and strengthen a relationship?

I’ve had this debate with different people and the majority believe that friendship is a great basis for a strong relationship and can be a natural progression. I’m more sceptical. If something is going well, why change it? What if you both make that transition and it does not work? I don’t think friends who become lovers can easily go back to being friends.

Now the argument for friends becoming lovers is that you really know each other.  You have already developed trust and respect which are crucial for any relationship. But what I really think is that friend’s who become lovers, usually have a certain level of attraction towards one another – they just didn’t act on it! Nothing is usually coincidental. If I’m honest, those individuals or should I say couples who took the plunge and progressed from friends to lovers, are still together now so it does work.

I suppose for any friendship turning into an intimate relationship, the key is communication. If you have a tight friendship, then any issues about the potential boyfriend girlfriend scenario will be discussed beforehand and fears/insecurities will be ironed out.

The reality is it’s a risk and chance you have to take. Especially if you are feeling like this:

1) You can’t sleep at night as your ‘friend’ is on your mind.

2) You know their weaknesses, habits and fears and still want to be with them

3) You smile when someone mentions their name

4) You accept them for who they are and do not want to change them

5) You daydream about them (a lot!)

6) You can see yourself having a future together

7) Others can see your chemistry even when you can’t!

Life is too short to worry about ‘what if’’ and it’s a law of the universe that true love only comes once in a life time. God will do all he can to bring you together with the person you are meant to be with whether you like it or not. He also gives you the choice to choose either what he’s destined for you or for you to think you know better than Him. If your instinct says its right, it probably is. That’s what instinct is for – to let you know if something or someone is right or wrong for you. That’s where people mess up – they ignore their instincts but God is still good as he then lets you experience pain. Pain is a sign that something is wrong and needs correcting. The chances are you will probably have to endure that pain until you decide to listen to your heart, change your path and progress as God intended. End of.

So yes, after reading the above, friends can become lovers. It makes more sense actually if you like someone to be friends before becoming intimate as that way you get to really know each other and makes everything else which is to follow be so much stronger. 

So if you do have a friend and deep down you know that both of you could possibly develop the relationship into something more deep and meaningful (the signs are always there whether you want to admit it or not!) take a chance. Even if it doesn’t work out, you were brought together for a reason and your intentions for taking your relationship to the next level were based on love. When you do anything with love as your driving factor you NEVER can go wrong.

(Thanks to my friend for editing this blog with me. You are so nosey but I think you are amazing!)

xVx

Reading is great! I remember reading from an early age – newspapers, books, the dictionary (yes the dictionary!) and was thoroughly encouraged by my mother. I remember reading the newspaper when I was 4 years old and being totally captured by various articles and I’ve been an avid reader continuously through my life.

Books are a great escapism. They can take you away to a place that you wish to be, give you great knowledge on various subjects and help you with your own personal development. Anything you need to know, want to be or want to achieve, there is a book out there waiting to show and teach you.

Like my mother, I have always encouraged my daughter to read. From being a baby I took her to the library every week and would read to her as well as participate in all of the activities that were on for mothers and babies. Just like me, she has a great love affair with books and was able to read extremely well by the age of 4.

We still share the activity of books together: monthly visits to the library and book stores to acquire new literature. She gets tremendous pleasure in ordering a book and will take it every where with her until she has finished reading it.

Books though are meant to be shared. What point is there in having great information and not passing on that knowledge so someone else benefits from it? I regularly do this for my friends and family as what ever struggle or help they need, you can guarantee I know or have a book that can help them along in their journey.

As a parent, it is vital to not only teach your children to read but also the importance of why. Children can benefit so much (see this week’s article) and as it is a solitude activity; reading can be personal to them. It gives them choices. It helps them to be aware, it develops their knowledge of words, grammar and punctuality and above all reading helps them to be creative and develop their imagination.

So this week, visit a library – it’s free to join and there are also so many other things you can loan: DVD’s, magazines, videos, etc. You also get to meet new people and find out what is going on in your local community.

Take some time out for you to get a really good book you wish to read and have some quality time with yourself. Reading doesn’t have to cost a thing but can bring you real peace and pleasure. Go with your children and make a morning or afternoon of it. You will probably be surprised and once you start, you will wonder how you ever coped without a great book by your side.

xVx

I’ve just read a fantastic article from the Sunday Times: “Who says men need to get married to be happy? (Go to articles on Leading Parent network to read it) George Clooney is a confirmed bachelor and he’s on to something, says one writer. There’s a new type of single guy now…”  

The article is so true and made me think about the new ‘type’ of single parent that has now emerged. Most individuals do not become lone parents by choice. The reasons are plenty but the reality is that there are a lot of successful and ambitious single parents out there. I know women and men who are running their own businesses and have high powered full time careers whilst raising their families single handedly. They are not on benefits and are living well! Speaking with my friends who are single, they all enjoy the dating and courtship that being single brings and by no means are looking for marriage. I reckon when you are independent and happy with your life, you are not so needy and keen for someone to come in and mend it. You want someone to enhance your life. 

Or is that when we have so much time on our own, focusing on our wants, needs and ambitions, we are not so eager to compromise or lose our identity for the sake of a man/woman? I was watching a TV programme last week and a young female (one of those Hollywood reality programmes) had recently started dating an ex. After a few weeks she decided to break it off and her reason was – “I’ve waited this long (regarding finding a suitable boyfriend) so why should I settle now for Mr Wrong?” It’s true. If you’ve been single for a while or just dating, then you are usually clearer about what you want and what you don’t want and you are less likely to make do. 

Just like the guy who wrote the article for the Sunday Times regarding bachelors’, the new independent single parent has a social life and an income. They go out for drinks after work or have friends over for dinner and wine (probably lots of the latter!). They go on holiday with their kids and also their friends. They shop and have disposable incomes. They can date who they want, when they want and are not answerable to anyone. They have a life. Whilst this article was written for bachelors, the same principles can be used for women – call yourself bachelorettes! Or a single parent bachelor/bachelorette and be proud of it. Life is too short and whilst you are out having fun and making the most of your life and being the best parent you can be, that’s when miss or my right usually comes along. 

One thing that is definitely true which the author wrote was: Too many feeble men give in to the supposed security of marriage. They see it as panacea to their problems (including, but by no means limited to, alienation, indecision, and lack of direction and motivation). “I don’t want to be the oldest father at the school gates,” lamented one friend recently, explaining why he was getting engaged to his girlfriend, who we all know will make his life a misery. Marriage like this is for wimps. “I genuinely pity most of my married friends, who feel trapped, bored and frustrated,” wrote Mike from Hong Kong.  I go on about this all the time – a boyfriend/girlfriend should not be a substitute for your own fears and insecurities. I hear people whining all the time about their partners and I just think “What is the point?” So many people are simply not happy so it’s no wonder one marriage out of every two ends in divorce. 

So my single parent bachelors and bachelorettes – go out and get the world, your freedom is yours for the taking!  xVx