When do we know when it’s right to pursue something or quit? The saying goes that “Winners never quit and quitters never win” but can this be applied to everything we embark on?

I do believe that when we pursue something that is out of love and for the benefit of others, it rarely goes wrong and we don’t have to quit. When we pursue goals that are at the detriment of others or another or solely for our own purpose, the majority of the time we do not succeed.

What if you have a business idea or project that you are pursuing and it feels like nothing is going right for you? Your aims and causes are genuine and your idea appears to be a good one but you just can not grasp that dream. My advice is to pursue it. Sometimes the path we embark on leads to a different path that we never dreamed of. The truth is it is better to embark, try something and follow your dreams than do nothing at all.

We can plan as much as we like for a certain outcome but there may be an outcome and goal that is destined for us that is out of our control. I’ve read lots of autobiographies on successful people and whilst they all had great persistence and belief in their dreams, a lot of the time in pursuing that dream, another door opened which led to the creation and success of something greater, bigger and better.

Challenges are great as they allow us to overcome our fears and to grow. We need challenges to develop in life. Now when it comes to affairs of the heart I think it is a bit different. You simply can not pursue someone that doesn’t want you. Yes you can manipulate, threaten, lie, etc to get someone to be with you but then they are with you for all the wrong reasons. You need to be clear that the person you are pursuing wants you as well.

For women, if a man wants you he will make it clear. You rarely have to do anything. Men are conquerors and like a challenge. It’s in their blood and part of their history. For men, a woman wants to know and feel that she is special but she also likes to know that the man she’s with is also a good catch so be a man. Show your caring side but also show some dominance.

The main thing is to follow your instinct. It’s rarely wrong. If you feel that someone or something is right, then continue to pursue it. The best and great things in life seldom come easy. If it’s not going your way then leave it to God or whatever belief you have. Sometimes it better to let go and let God deal with it and show you another way.

Also remember that what you are seeking or pursing may not be ready to receive you so you have to learn patience. What is yours or your true destiny will never pass you by. If it’s ordained for you it will be happen.

So my advice is never give up. If what you are doing is with a pure heart and good intentions you will not lose. Another path may show up but love will always win believe me!

xVx

Is it right to go into business with your friend or boyfriend/girlfriend? For some it’s a fantastic idea: You know each other well, your strengths and weaknesses and you can also spend more time together. It’s a project that can bring you closer together and something that you share together as one.

On the other hand though, it can tear you apart. You may get fed up with the sight of each other. You may only discuss work and business at home and you may not have time for each other on a personal level and every relationship needs that.

Why do so many people take that gamble though? I reckon it’s because two heads are better than one and it also comes down to trust and loyalty. With your best friend or your partner, these foundations are usually there so it may make sense to extend that into business and pursuing a dream together. Passion is a requisite of love and you need passion and desire to create and make a business work so bringing these together can be a truly amazing and explosive creation.

Those of you who know my writing style will know that I always have to contradict the title of my blogs. So what if things don’t work between you and your lover or your friend? What happens to the business if you break up? Does it make more sense keeping business and love separately and instead paying for skilled professionals if that’s what your business needs? Some may believe that this is easier but even then professionals and employees let you down!

 Aren’t relationships about growing, learning and risk? Just like business. If that is so, don’t they link together? Possibly but it boils down to both parties knowing each other, setting clear boundaries and having certain rules and contingencies in place in order to make a business partnership succeed.

Its great being all lovey dovey but business has no place for affairs of the heart. It’s competitive, hard work, dedication and doesn’t know when to switch off or sleep. Both individuals need to know that setting up and running a business takes precedence above all else – if you truly want it to flourish.

If you look at your business as a part-time social hobby then that’s all it will ever be. You will never make money or be rich off it. You and your partner need to ask:

1)      Why you want to go into business together?

2)      What time can you both put in?

3)      What are each other’s strengths and weaknesses?

4)      What happens if you break up?

5)      How are you going to split your time?

6)      What about the children?

What if one of you already has an existing business and you are considering your partner coming on board? If you have set something up and put all the hard work and money in, it’s your baby and you should treat it as such. Set something up new with your partner that you can both start together and build from scratch. That will then be both of yours and an equal playing ground. That is what I believe ideally but if you really want that partner to come into your business then you need to ask yourself:

1)      What skills and qualities can s/he bring that the business needs?

2)      What agreements or contracts do I need to put into place?

3)      How will s/he benefit the business?

Your business is not a stomping ground to play out a romance or think illogically. It’s a business - a field for you to express your dreams and provide a service for other people.

So yes it can work – mixing business with pleasure but as long as both parties are clear about what they are bringing in and what will happen if they are no longer together. Contingencies, agreements and plans need to be organised, structured and adhered too. If this is done then the powerful mix of business and pleasure can be beautifully intertwined.

xVx

Can Friends become Lovers?

Some say that the best relationships between couples are those that are based on friendship. But is it worth the risk making the transition from someone being your friend to being your lover? Can it potentially damage a solid friendship or can it truly enhance and strengthen a relationship?

I’ve had this debate with different people and the majority believe that friendship is a great basis for a strong relationship and can be a natural progression. I’m more sceptical. If something is going well, why change it? What if you both make that transition and it does not work? I don’t think friends who become lovers can easily go back to being friends.

Now the argument for friends becoming lovers is that you really know each other.  You have already developed trust and respect which are crucial for any relationship. But what I really think is that friend’s who become lovers, usually have a certain level of attraction towards one another – they just didn’t act on it! Nothing is usually coincidental. If I’m honest, those individuals or should I say couples who took the plunge and progressed from friends to lovers, are still together now so it does work.

I suppose for any friendship turning into an intimate relationship, the key is communication. If you have a tight friendship, then any issues about the potential boyfriend girlfriend scenario will be discussed beforehand and fears/insecurities will be ironed out.

The reality is it’s a risk and chance you have to take. Especially if you are feeling like this:

1) You can’t sleep at night as your ‘friend’ is on your mind.

2) You know their weaknesses, habits and fears and still want to be with them

3) You smile when someone mentions their name

4) You accept them for who they are and do not want to change them

5) You daydream about them (a lot!)

6) You can see yourself having a future together

7) Others can see your chemistry even when you can’t!

Life is too short to worry about ‘what if’’ and it’s a law of the universe that true love only comes once in a life time. God will do all he can to bring you together with the person you are meant to be with whether you like it or not. He also gives you the choice to choose either what he’s destined for you or for you to think you know better than Him. If your instinct says its right, it probably is. That’s what instinct is for – to let you know if something or someone is right or wrong for you. That’s where people mess up – they ignore their instincts but God is still good as he then lets you experience pain. Pain is a sign that something is wrong and needs correcting. The chances are you will probably have to endure that pain until you decide to listen to your heart, change your path and progress as God intended. End of.

So yes, after reading the above, friends can become lovers. It makes more sense actually if you like someone to be friends before becoming intimate as that way you get to really know each other and makes everything else which is to follow be so much stronger. 

So if you do have a friend and deep down you know that both of you could possibly develop the relationship into something more deep and meaningful (the signs are always there whether you want to admit it or not!) take a chance. Even if it doesn’t work out, you were brought together for a reason and your intentions for taking your relationship to the next level were based on love. When you do anything with love as your driving factor you NEVER can go wrong.

(Thanks to my friend for editing this blog with me. You are so nosey but I think you are amazing!)

xVx

Reading is great! I remember reading from an early age – newspapers, books, the dictionary (yes the dictionary!) and was thoroughly encouraged by my mother. I remember reading the newspaper when I was 4 years old and being totally captured by various articles and I’ve been an avid reader continuously through my life.

Books are a great escapism. They can take you away to a place that you wish to be, give you great knowledge on various subjects and help you with your own personal development. Anything you need to know, want to be or want to achieve, there is a book out there waiting to show and teach you.

Like my mother, I have always encouraged my daughter to read. From being a baby I took her to the library every week and would read to her as well as participate in all of the activities that were on for mothers and babies. Just like me, she has a great love affair with books and was able to read extremely well by the age of 4.

We still share the activity of books together: monthly visits to the library and book stores to acquire new literature. She gets tremendous pleasure in ordering a book and will take it every where with her until she has finished reading it.

Books though are meant to be shared. What point is there in having great information and not passing on that knowledge so someone else benefits from it? I regularly do this for my friends and family as what ever struggle or help they need, you can guarantee I know or have a book that can help them along in their journey.

As a parent, it is vital to not only teach your children to read but also the importance of why. Children can benefit so much (see this week’s article) and as it is a solitude activity; reading can be personal to them. It gives them choices. It helps them to be aware, it develops their knowledge of words, grammar and punctuality and above all reading helps them to be creative and develop their imagination.

So this week, visit a library – it’s free to join and there are also so many other things you can loan: DVD’s, magazines, videos, etc. You also get to meet new people and find out what is going on in your local community.

Take some time out for you to get a really good book you wish to read and have some quality time with yourself. Reading doesn’t have to cost a thing but can bring you real peace and pleasure. Go with your children and make a morning or afternoon of it. You will probably be surprised and once you start, you will wonder how you ever coped without a great book by your side.

xVx

I’ve just read a fantastic article from the Sunday Times: “Who says men need to get married to be happy? (Go to articles on Leading Parent network to read it) George Clooney is a confirmed bachelor and he’s on to something, says one writer. There’s a new type of single guy now…”  

The article is so true and made me think about the new ‘type’ of single parent that has now emerged. Most individuals do not become lone parents by choice. The reasons are plenty but the reality is that there are a lot of successful and ambitious single parents out there. I know women and men who are running their own businesses and have high powered full time careers whilst raising their families single handedly. They are not on benefits and are living well! Speaking with my friends who are single, they all enjoy the dating and courtship that being single brings and by no means are looking for marriage. I reckon when you are independent and happy with your life, you are not so needy and keen for someone to come in and mend it. You want someone to enhance your life. 

Or is that when we have so much time on our own, focusing on our wants, needs and ambitions, we are not so eager to compromise or lose our identity for the sake of a man/woman? I was watching a TV programme last week and a young female (one of those Hollywood reality programmes) had recently started dating an ex. After a few weeks she decided to break it off and her reason was – “I’ve waited this long (regarding finding a suitable boyfriend) so why should I settle now for Mr Wrong?” It’s true. If you’ve been single for a while or just dating, then you are usually clearer about what you want and what you don’t want and you are less likely to make do. 

Just like the guy who wrote the article for the Sunday Times regarding bachelors’, the new independent single parent has a social life and an income. They go out for drinks after work or have friends over for dinner and wine (probably lots of the latter!). They go on holiday with their kids and also their friends. They shop and have disposable incomes. They can date who they want, when they want and are not answerable to anyone. They have a life. Whilst this article was written for bachelors, the same principles can be used for women – call yourself bachelorettes! Or a single parent bachelor/bachelorette and be proud of it. Life is too short and whilst you are out having fun and making the most of your life and being the best parent you can be, that’s when miss or my right usually comes along. 

One thing that is definitely true which the author wrote was: Too many feeble men give in to the supposed security of marriage. They see it as panacea to their problems (including, but by no means limited to, alienation, indecision, and lack of direction and motivation). “I don’t want to be the oldest father at the school gates,” lamented one friend recently, explaining why he was getting engaged to his girlfriend, who we all know will make his life a misery. Marriage like this is for wimps. “I genuinely pity most of my married friends, who feel trapped, bored and frustrated,” wrote Mike from Hong Kong.  I go on about this all the time – a boyfriend/girlfriend should not be a substitute for your own fears and insecurities. I hear people whining all the time about their partners and I just think “What is the point?” So many people are simply not happy so it’s no wonder one marriage out of every two ends in divorce. 

So my single parent bachelors and bachelorettes – go out and get the world, your freedom is yours for the taking!  xVx

At the moment the credit crunch is taking main stage in the news and media. Everyone’s talking about the credit crunch, the price or should I say the decline in property prices and the cost of food. The reality is that our living expenses have risen tremendously and employment and salaries have declined.

How do we survive as single parents? By looking at and evaluating what our skills are and maximising them to bring an additional income. How many of you are great at cleaning? How many of you are fantastic child minders, organisers and cooks? Many of you! Do not doubt for a second that you have not acquired many skills and abilities from being a single parent. The smart thing to do is make money from them.

Look in your local paper; advertise your services through adverts, shop windows and the post office. Make some extra money. Set up your own small business. There is a wealth of experts, opportunities and support and advice out there to help you start up on your own and become financially independent. Capitalise on it. 

Life and opportunity does not come seeking you. Go and get it!  It’s like a delicate diamond in the rough dirt and ground – it is just waiting for the right person to have the determination, motivation and discipline to dig hard, find it, embrace it, clean it and make the most of it. That is you.

So for this week, evaluate your skills and abilities; write a list of what you are great at and enjoy. Come up with ideas as to how you can turn these blessing into opportunities to help others and make money. Then do something every day to make that dream happen.

If you want further advice, information or guidance then contact us via email or telephone and we will be more than happy to assist you in your quest to be all that you can be.

Till next week!

xVx

Company Director

Ne Yo’s song – Miss independent got me thinking about single parent women and single fathers. Whether you are alone or in a relationship it is so important to maintain an element of independence. Why? Because if you don’t you end up becoming dependant and the result of that is unhappiness.

When you rely on another person financially or emotionally, you will never be in control of your life. A partnership or relationship should be about complimenting each other not someone supplementing what you are lacking. Every day I hear comments like this:

“I can’t leave him because he pays the mortgage and all the bills”

“I have to stay with her and the kids as she’ll try and take everything I’ve got”

“I don’t feel like I can cope on my own. I feel worthless without someone by me side”

Come on ladies and men – you should be with someone because you want to not need to! Need and want are two very different things. Don’t be fooled either that your children don’t realise what’s going on as they always do. Children are smart and you have to set an example. How can you tell your child/ren to go for their dreams when you are not?

How can you show them the importance of being independent when you are dependent on another? Independence doesn’t mean aggression, it just implies that you can handle your own – your money, your bills, your happiness and your emotions. You are not and will never be at the whim of another person. So if you are single, work on you. All of the things you know you need to develop and grow start doing them. While you are single you have the greatest opportunity to be selfish and focus on yourself.

When that woman or man comes into your life you will not accept anything less than you know you deserve and you’ll spot an insecure and dependant man/woman instantly. Right now work on you and your children. Go out and get yours by any means and remember sometimes in life we have to do what we don’t want to do to get to where we want to be. Make certain sacrifices and become the diamond that you know you are.

Here’s Ne-Yo’s lyrics:

Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah

Miss independent
That’s why I love her

Till next week and if you need me before, just call or email me.

xVx

I’m going to share some rules that I have developed myself when it comes to the art of dating. This is purely based on experience and I hope it helps you:

·         Be clear about what you will and will not accept during the dating game.

·         Keep your mouth shut! No-one wants to know your whole life story in the first week.

·         Maintain some mystery. You should leave your date wanting to know more about you and eager to contact you for the next date.

·         If you are a woman, do not ever chase a man. Men are conquerors and like to know that getting you is a challenge.

·         If you are a man, a woman wants to know she is special – call her on time, be there before she is. Treat her like a lady

·         Know your own worth. That way if your date is showing behaviour you do not like, you can simply walk away. Don’t put up with less than you deserve – ever!

·         Observe your date’s actions. Do not fall for the small talk. Actions always speak more loudly than words.

·         Date someone that compliments you not supplements you

·         If someone you are dating has a lot of drama or chaos in their life which they end up drawing you into, do not stay there. If you like them, give them the opportunity to sort out their issues – but do so from a distance. Dating should be fun not chaotic!

Above all else have some fun! Ladies remember that men find it hard in the dating game as well as they are the ones that have to make a lot of effort so be easy on them. Say please and thank you, act like a woman and show him respect too. Allow him to be himself and try not to judge. When you start judging a man it puts his barriers up. If you allow him to be himself he will open up to you freely as he will feel comfortable in your company.

Be yourself. Anyone can see through fakeness and it’s a turn off! We all have our faults and as long as the good outweighs the bad in a person you are onto a winning thing.

I put on a post a week ago that was quite harsh – true but ruthless! On reflection I removed it as I realised that you have to allow a person to find their own way and if something is meant to be – it will be believe me. Anything that is meant for you will not pass you by. That is in life, relationships, business and affairs of the heart. How do I know? Because it happened for me (I write with a smile!)

Till next week

xVx

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN REMOVED

Why? Because it may upset those involved and whilst true, it may open a whole can of worms and future distress that just isn’t worth it and I do not want that believe me – my life is too good! The aim was to share my experience with you so you can learn from it. Thanks for all your lovely comments! Yes it was a messy situation this man tried to bring me into but I got out of it quick time and dealt with it accordingly and gracefully. It’s about knowing yourself and what you will and will not accept when dating.

When your life is good and going well, have people in it that keep that momentum. Not people who create drama, stress and messiness. You, your children and life are far too precious for that. Have someone by your side who is strong not weak and compliments not supplements you; A partner who affirms their actions and definitely does not bring baby mother/father drama into your life!

Send those trying to create stress and draw you into their drama love and move on and know that only good and something better can come along to you. Never ever settle for anything or anyone less than you know you deserve.  You can never go wrong.

Till next week!

xVx

I have just arrived home from having a week break in Karlovy Vary – outside of Prague where they filmed Casino Royale. A truly beautiful place where the entire buildings look like dolls houses and castles and there is a lot of cultural and world history. The world famous spa town of Karlovy Vary, also known by its German name of Karlsbad (or Carlsbad in English), was founded in 1350 by the Czech King and Holy Roman Emperor Charles IV. Every hotel offers massages and every form of treatment you can possibly imagine.

Why do I feel so stressed on my return? Well for me, I truly do not like the pre-holiday organisation: shopping for clothes, packing, tidying my house from top to bottom – it takes me about a week to wash all my windows and thoroughly spring clean everywhere. I always do this ritual before I go on holiday as I like to come home to a spotless house! Whilst on holiday I spend time worrying about my house, the business and anything that I have forgotten to do. It’s like by the time I get back, I need another holiday!

 Whilst I was having massages – which I did every day, I affirmed that from now on I’m going to schedule serious relaxation into my routine every day. I’m also going to book my winter holiday in the Caribbean NOW so I have more time to prepare – I am a last minute holiday booking person which seriously is not very practical.In fact I’ve learned a lot from my daughter.

She absolutely enjoys the pre holiday process and sees this as the start of her holiday: Buying new clothes, packing what she wants, changing her image and making resolutions for how she is going to be on her return. I can learn so much from her. She doesn’t panic but embraces the whole process. She eats what she wants, does what she wants and buys what she wants – with my money of course! Last year she had her first taste of designer items.

 We went to Prague to Dior and spent money! She still hasn’t used her items and has them wrapped in the Dior bag with all the packaging and beautiful ribbons. I’ve used mine and demolished them.Whilst in Karlovy Vary this year we visited Prague for the day and took another trip to the designer street we went to last year. This time I treated my daughter to something from Gucci. They weren’t as prestigiously packaged like Dior but none the less the experience and treatment by the staff was second to none. They make you feel so special and pampered and that you are the most important person in the shop. Not surprising as the store is not packed as most people stare in the window – only those who can afford to buy venture in there.I also realised that unlike our mass produced items of clothing and accessories we buy in shops over here, designer shops only have one or two of the items on sale so if you buy something as small as a key ring for £150, you can guarantee that only two of you will have it.

I wish I had treasured my items like she has as they will become great vintage classics.I treated my mum, who joined us on holiday to an item from Versace. She was over the moon even treasuring the beautiful bag that her accessory came with! It meant more to me to treat the people I love and making sure that they had a great time rather than focus on myself. That made me truly happy.

So what I’m trying to say is holidays are about relaxing and spending time with those you love. Surprising them with gifts – they don’t have to be designer, or showing your appreciation and love in simple ways can bring about so much love. It comes back to you to – not always by the people that you give it too but by others who you do not expect. On my return, my daughter has been offered an audition for a film being produced in Nottingham and I have been offered a role of consultancy with Leading Parent Network which was a surprise.

It’s not always about cherishing yourself but also cherishing others. In my heart and mind that brings true happiness – being truly selfless. So for today, who can you help? Who can you say thank you to? Who needs love and how can you give it and show it? There is always someone so give out some love today and watch it come back to you.

Valerie.